on Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Sorry Chhammiya! 'Bisexual Lions' came on my blog first... ;)

It is clearly the thing they call 'love'. Two weeks... not having met yet... and conversations that have gone from the deepest darkest secrets to as random as discussing my fantasy to marry a lion. It has not felt truer before. As the silly girl that I can be, I have all reasons to feel unsure and insecure about this, afterall we have not met and have only been intimate for about two weeks. It went fast but it was natural. It was something stronger from day one. I never thought I could feel so strongly for someone. This relationship has come as a surprise to me as well. I realized this last night when I was telling 'a friend' about him. He was nasty but it just made me feel more sure about what I was doing.

I admit, I was commitment phobic, was looking for 'that someone' whom I would never find because I never knew what I wanted, or maybe I just did not want anyone at all. He happened to me at the most unlikely unexpected time and that is what makes US more beautiful! I want to believe every word he says, when I take ages to trust people. I want to change myself sometimes and be more careful so that I do not hurt him ever, though I do not believe in changing and being intentionally careful with someone you love, but it just happens. I want to fight with him only to know what is a 'lovers fight' like. I want to sing songs with him and not just 'send files'. I want to walk a mile and convince him that 'I do eat proper food ya...'. I want to be with him and not with the 'bisexual lion' (well... the lion has to be bisexual so that my chammiya can seduce the lion and let him meet his 'itam' whenever he wants to, else the lion will have some nice feast no... ;)) I want to tell the world about him, because I am just "so sure".

I have always considered my blog my space, yet there always has been so much I have wanted to write about but never did cause I am not anonymous on my blog and did not want to open my life in front of the world. Until I realized it was time I get over it and say/write/express whatever I want to on MY blog. It is MY space, afterall. And there is nothing in my life that I am ashamed of, so why should I think twice before letting it out, even if the reader knows who I am or will eventually come to know who am I. This is probably the first post where I am openly sharing my personal life on this blog.

It has always been difficult to understand how most of us treat our blogs like personal journals. Maybe it is the choice of remaining anonymous about your identity in the virtual world. Yet again, when it comes to 'reality', we tend to say alot more and be our truer self with a stranger. I thought it was that 'feeling comfortable with a stranger' thing initially, between me and him, but when did it grow into something more beautiful, atleast I do not remember. Now, I wake up to his voice and go to sleep hesitantly because that would keep us away from each other for atleast five hours, yet together in thought, always. (yes! I do sound like a hopeless romantic right now!! :P)

Though it is not one of those 'I get butterflies in my stomach' kind of a feeling when I am with him in thoughts or phone or chat. It is just something so pure and strong that it makes you feel the same as an individual. There is just so much of 'something' happening in this post, that no wonder people give up trying to explain and keep it simple by saying 'its that 'something' they call 'love'' *blush* (LOL).

I want to write more but this seems to be the perfect end for this post, I guess. Also, it would be useless wasting my time trying to express my feelings for him, because it is now, I am getting how hard is it for people to put their feelings into words... I suppose this post was a challenge to the writer in me which I have terribly failed. I guess it happens when 'something' called love happens ;)

P.S. : I love you!


Multitalented Kids said...

If you leave me now, youll take away the biggest part of me

No baby please dont go

If you leave me now, youll take away the very heart of me

No baby please dont go

- Chicago

bestabhi said...

hope u will like this poem....

bestabhi said...

well drafted and beautifully explain the phase of love and all what we feel is love.. wonderful. gr8.. keep it up...

dharmabum said...

love and all that...u know...BlaH...good luck to you :)

*Dip* said...

oooooooooh someone is on Looouuveee.... babe! i started just like this.. i know exactly how you feel .. i know that feeling. you just want to blindly trust this person because something inside tells you "he's the one" .. and yet there is some insecurity initially but that will go. part of thewhole loouve-thing

i pray it works for you.. it will only get bettter.


- dipti

Rohan Nigam said...

Always a great feeling to be in love !

Cheers and all the best to you :)

Dimple said...

Way to go i get ur point.." LOVE IS SURELY IN THE AIR.."...:)))...okie but i dont know ..somehow i didnt understand ur chammiya wala part..wts that..sorry m a bit of a tubelight...:P

Prashanth Nagaraj said...

me too din get that chammiya wala part...
im not a tubelight tho''......ehehe...

gud post.....

Nabila Zehra Zaidi said...

@ Prashanth and Dimple .... Chhammiya is a 'personal' name :)

@ bestabhi Dharmabum and rohan ... Thanks guys! :)

@ Dipti .... Thanks sssoooo much!! Strangely, I was actually 'waiting' for your comment and I guess this is exactly what I wanted to hear! :) Thanks sweets!! kisses!!

@ multitalented kids .... 'm very sure, this never happened to me before
I met you and now I'm sure
This never happened before

Now I see, this is the way it's supposed to be
I met you and now I see
This is the way it should be

This is the way it should be, for lovers
They shouldn't go it alone
It's not so good when your on your own

So come to me, now we can be what we want to be
I love you and now I see
This is the way it should be
This is the way it should be

- Paul Mc Cartney

Hakuna Matata said...

The first para caught me unawares ( I was reading what I was thinking) .... and I read the rest...awesome!

Anonymous said...

and then its all about love!
I've been hearing so magical things about love, and now this post of yours, and a coupla things more, that i feel like falling in love [:p]!

it was *Cute* with all the pictures, this is the first time i visited your blog and read some 4 blogs you've posted, incredible work. You share the name of my favorite buddy so i spontaneously loved it all..

anyway, best of luck, i hope he be better than what you've thought about him. amen.

PSYCHO said...

oh the mush!

Lena said...

love in each and every word :)
made me smile!
all the best :)

Mannu said...

wowowo! the little girl is now big enough to be in love!
best wishes, and walk carefully, it is a path to the most beautiful things in life, but surely strewn with thorn like unfaithfulness, betrayals, dis-reputation, unwanted public glare, estrangement from parents and family etc.
careful walker knows how to keep finding the balances at every step.
best wishes.
i could never gather courage to walk upto people i loved.but i m still single, lonely and young enough to meet somebody anyday. who knows i come to you to my get guidances back very soon.;-)

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Amjad... said...

Blah Queen is now Lubh Queen :P
Beware, lubher boi, she's a ninja, just like me XD
I so happy for you ^_^

Anonymous said...

Hi ,

I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be wow.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘THE BlaH BloG....’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;

BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!

This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)


Comfortably Numb said...

Mushiness personified :)
How does it feel...I donno the exact answer but I guess it feels out the world to be in love with someone :P

I hope it works out great for you. And yes the blog is YOUR space and you don't have to answer anything for what you write here :)


PS: please get rid of the word verification :( lol I always get the worst of the lot "rdmkvhkz"

Nabila Zehra Zaidi said...

@ Comfortably numb.... lol.. yeah it does feel out of the world :)

Yes it is my space... like each one of us have our own.. :)

lol... I am so sorry about that! :P

@ Ray n Mindbodysoul.... Thanks!

@ Amjad.... >>blush blush<< HUGSSS for u!! mwwuaah!! :D

@ Mannu... Come on love has no age thing going for it.... its beautiful and I hope now you may gather the courage to walk up to the person you love and let them know... it is some thing so beautiful that I would suggest noone should ever let go off it! ;) And thanks for all those advices... I'll keep them in mind! and you are always welcome for any help! :) Cheers!

@ lena... Thanks! :)

@ Psycho... lol... yeah... >>blushes<< ;)

@ .a.... Love is magical! Thanks! And yes he is (by God's grace) great! :)

@ hakuna matata... Amazing how it can make you feel... isn't it? ;)


Standbymind said...

Smooth and beautiful!

D said...

I think I must have said it a thousand times before but I never seem to say it enough: there's no better feeling in the whole world that falling in love. Not even being in love compares to those moments when you're actually hurtling towards a love pit!

Solitaire said...

How romantic! Sigh! I too used to feel like this at one point when I was in love for the very first time!

Prakhar said...

Very romantic indeed...Good Luck :)

Priya said...

That thing called love! What a sweet post...poured right from the heart..loved it :)

Nabila Zehra Zaidi said...

@ standby... :)

@ d... Totally girl!! Nothing comes close to it also...

@ solitaire... And now..?

@ prakhar... Thanks!

@ priya... Yes, it did come directly from the heart... :)

lemonade said...

i am so happy for u!! :)
u sound so in love...

and its very brave the way ur opening yourself up to others..i respect u for that.. i would never be able to do it

Anonymous said...

man u r so damn immersed in love...
i can feel what u are feeling right now... :)
althu we r miles apart n i dont know u n neither do u... but still i feel happy seeing u happy...
amy God bless u..

Anonymous said...

hey m addin u to my blogroll cuz i liked it a lot n want to visit here again...
but can u do the same[even when my blog is not that good like urs] cuz i just want to keep the traffic rolling in ... lol...

workhard said...

Great feeling to be loved.. horrible to have lost it....

Very well written


Anonymous said...

aww. :)

you're so happy and in love, it's adorable! :)