on Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Sorry Chhammiya! 'Bisexual Lions' came on my blog first... ;)

It is clearly the thing they call 'love'. Two weeks... not having met yet... and conversations that have gone from the deepest darkest secrets to as random as discussing my fantasy to marry a lion. It has not felt truer before. As the silly girl that I can be, I have all reasons to feel unsure and insecure about this, afterall we have not met and have only been intimate for about two weeks. It went fast but it was natural. It was something stronger from day one. I never thought I could feel so strongly for someone. This relationship has come as a surprise to me as well. I realized this last night when I was telling 'a friend' about him. He was nasty but it just made me feel more sure about what I was doing.

I admit, I was commitment phobic, was looking for 'that someone' whom I would never find because I never knew what I wanted, or maybe I just did not want anyone at all. He happened to me at the most unlikely unexpected time and that is what makes US more beautiful! I want to believe every word he says, when I take ages to trust people. I want to change myself sometimes and be more careful so that I do not hurt him ever, though I do not believe in changing and being intentionally careful with someone you love, but it just happens. I want to fight with him only to know what is a 'lovers fight' like. I want to sing songs with him and not just 'send files'. I want to walk a mile and convince him that 'I do eat proper food ya...'. I want to be with him and not with the 'bisexual lion' (well... the lion has to be bisexual so that my chammiya can seduce the lion and let him meet his 'itam' whenever he wants to, else the lion will have some nice feast no... ;)) I want to tell the world about him, because I am just "so sure".

I have always considered my blog my space, yet there always has been so much I have wanted to write about but never did cause I am not anonymous on my blog and did not want to open my life in front of the world. Until I realized it was time I get over it and say/write/express whatever I want to on MY blog. It is MY space, afterall. And there is nothing in my life that I am ashamed of, so why should I think twice before letting it out, even if the reader knows who I am or will eventually come to know who am I. This is probably the first post where I am openly sharing my personal life on this blog.

It has always been difficult to understand how most of us treat our blogs like personal journals. Maybe it is the choice of remaining anonymous about your identity in the virtual world. Yet again, when it comes to 'reality', we tend to say alot more and be our truer self with a stranger. I thought it was that 'feeling comfortable with a stranger' thing initially, between me and him, but when did it grow into something more beautiful, atleast I do not remember. Now, I wake up to his voice and go to sleep hesitantly because that would keep us away from each other for atleast five hours, yet together in thought, always. (yes! I do sound like a hopeless romantic right now!! :P)

Though it is not one of those 'I get butterflies in my stomach' kind of a feeling when I am with him in thoughts or phone or chat. It is just something so pure and strong that it makes you feel the same as an individual. There is just so much of 'something' happening in this post, that no wonder people give up trying to explain and keep it simple by saying 'its that 'something' they call 'love'' *blush* (LOL).

I want to write more but this seems to be the perfect end for this post, I guess. Also, it would be useless wasting my time trying to express my feelings for him, because it is now, I am getting how hard is it for people to put their feelings into words... I suppose this post was a challenge to the writer in me which I have terribly failed. I guess it happens when 'something' called love happens ;)

P.S. : I love you!