We all go into hibernation. Maybe I did too, probably I still am. Is it a big deal? Should it worry people if I want to go into a shell and not come out for a while? Look.... months have passed and I have not changed. I still start my posts with silly questions about myself. I am my favorite topic to talk, write, argue and discuss about.
Life is definitely a journey, a roller coaster ride. Look back, review and you would nod in agreement. Not that I was going through some catharses, yet life was not still. Something kept happening. Things that kept me busy, they made me do what I love doing - 'discovering myself', but somewhere (blame the 'hibernation period' if you please) I feel like a person nearing schizophrenia. You know the feeling, where you tend to think so much, analyze and focus on certain issues so much that your mind ends up being all numb (If you are not shizophrenic... you actually would not know this feeling :s). As I write this, I am feeling scared. I am praying too hard that it is just a phase, a short lived one.
I am in no mood of writing a long post. I actually, did not have anything in mind to write about but I am posting just for the heck of it. I am never out of topics to talk about, write and be all opinionated (Afterall I am the Blah Queen...), yet I did not even care to visit my blog while others did and left comments too. (Thanks guys!!) I was not out of time and my love for Blogosphere was not temporary either. It was I guess what I mentioned earlier, hibernating at a place which I did/do not enjoy too much, but has got me numb for sure, not emotionally though.
I think I want to wake up now, move out and breathe. I need a jerk! I need a push! I just need 'myself' now! (huh... myself is such a lame way of putting what I want :p lol..) And now, the truth... It is friggin' 3 50 a.m. and I am awake just to update my blog, look-wise as well as text-wise. And since I am absolutely random I have all the right to talk whatever shit I want to. Explanation - I am only very sleepy not drunk... though I want to be drunk!! Bella.... come soon man!! 
Also, yes! He is quite responsible or rather lets put it more sweetly (since it is dedicated to Siddhartha) the credit goes to Siddhartha for waking me up and reminding me 'sheet!! I got a blog too man!!' Duh... I knew...yet...like I said... a push...a jerk... well well well...WHAT-EVER!!...huh... I think I am back now, guys!! Will be visiting your blogs and updating mine more regularly now (yes...you all can smirk and shoo this fake promise with a 'huh..' or a 'yeah right...', keeping my past records in mind). Anyway... killing the krap... I have proven Siddhartha that blogs are afterall meant for 'some' or maybe dull 'crap'. Blogs are personal...there can be nothing 'issue-based' about a blog. It is always about 'random' opinions, my friend! Isn't it, my dear old blogger friends? Missed you all... hugs n kisses... :) And Siddhartha beta, Keep Blogging, my man! ;)
Arrrggghhh... the last two lines were just to prove publically, how much I have disliked Kareena in Tashan and her overly hyped 'bikini scene'...huh... so instead we shall hail...??? uuumm... my comeback??...okay you guys definitely do not like this idea... Cobain?? Neah... I prefer Satriani and Hendrix as guitarists... Then who?? Okay... HAIL BABBAN!! (Babban is my other friend's new pet cat. The only cat, till date, whom I have found cute, all of 17 days... cute, isn't it?) 
Long Live Babban!! :D
Guest Visit to my own Blog?
on Saturday, May 3, 2008
Confessions of a.....*confused brain*
on Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Woke up in a weird mood. Its not for the first time I am in a mood like this, yet. Spoke to my best friend after ages last night, for long. We spoke about how happy we are in our own lives, not in touch with anyone but just living life the way we want to, and how much more satisfied we are, keeping the load and responsibilities away from ourselves. Also saw Dil, Dosti, etc (yeah...I really had nothing to do last night :P), nice concept but not made well, there could so much more done to that movie and it could be a hit. Anyway, the point is I feel confused. Many questions troubling my mind.
I know we all have these phases when we are confused, wonder what is the purpose of our lives? But, I thought I had discovered that. I thought I just wanted to be happy and spread positivity in people around me. I do that, but is that really the 'purpose' of my life? I know what I want from my personal life, my professional life - I am not confused about the general questions in life. Its something different. Its something that has been eating me all day. It is something that makes me want to leave everything and get away from life for sometime. 
I am not really feeling pessimistic. I am normal when it comes to work, etc. Its just that my mind is occupied with SOMETHING. What is that something? There are too any questions? Answers...I can not have them because I have no idea what questions haunt my brain. If only I could have someone who could read my mind. If only I had someone who would understand me with a blink of an eye. If only someone just kept a hand over my shoulder and said with true faith 'Do not fear! You will do it.' I have absolutely no idea, why I feel tears rolling down my eyes as I write this post and not feel weird about sharing it here, so openly.
Every relationship is so important in our life. From our parents, siblings, friends to even people who work for you. I honestly come across as someone who is not very emotionally attached to people, but these are things so personal that I do not discuss or share it with myself. I will not say I am always misunderstood, but it hurts when your loved ones and the ones whom you in the least expect to misunderstand your words, taking out different meanings out of it. No no...do not get ideas. No such particular incident is making me feel like this. Its all random. But it really hurts me when I see any kind of riff between any relationship. Happens with everyone and I feel happy about the fact that many of us are strong enough to get out of it. I am one of those. Never having very openly expressed, today I really want to admit, in my life, I have been affected by relationships. I have a strange fascination for understanding relationships, reading them, noticing those two people related and analyzing how relationships are moulded.
I have always believed that I can live alone, and I mean it. I love meeting people, but all temporary. I want to be a vagabond. I want to see life. Find my questions, my answers, clear my confusions.
I need change all the time. Does not sound as a virtue, but....and now I get it...I am confused because my deepest desire is something completely different to what I call my biggest wishes. My professional dream is my biggest wish, but my desire to travel, explore and discover is my dream. A dream I want to live. A dream which I am sure, many do dream, but most laugh it off. And the rest are intelligent pessimists, they know it is almost impossible. I am none of those. I am hopeful. I am dreamy. I liked two things in the movie - one, "When you are young, you think the possibilities are endless" and the last line "The fact is - Sanjay is dead, I survived and I am still looking for love." I strongly believe possibilities are endless despite your age,sex,caste,whatever. And I have survived so far, I have to live my dreams and look for answers, my questions. :-) Yes I am smiling. It may be one of the most random posts on my blog, but who cares? I? No! Anyone else? But, do I care about that? No!
People call me selfish, self centered self obsessed. I agree, but is it wrong? My relationships do get strained sometimes because of issues like these, but....aahhh...forget it! I want to move on...I don't want to look back and complaint how I have come so far without the most important people in my life not encouraging me, not having faith in me. Its okay, not their fault, not mine either. I am happy and they are beginning to believe my potential. Its not a low phase of my life, these are years when I am realizing so much, canvassing my life, my relationships, my love, my dreams. I am stepping forward everyday, but am still, why?where? these are questions that haunt my brain, answers..I should be quick to find them too. If from the begging to the end of the post I can find my questions; answers should be an easier and much more calmer task. I love you. (My you is for many people, including you and my life (myself too! ;)) I am not expressive. I want to hug you and tell you - I love you! You are the best that has happened to me. I thank God specially for having you in my life. mwwuuuuaaaah!!
I end this with a smile. Smile forever, it does help!
*I love my new Blah Anthem. :-)*
Chai Time Baqwaas
on Saturday, October 20, 2007
Enough of my come backs....I disappear and then all of a sudden wake up to realize 'Oh...I got a blog too!'...though mostly it is because I am busy, but I miss blogsphere...my blog friends...their blogs...my blog...everything!! :-( ...Okay...as usual...I am writing on my blog after a long time, so ofcourse I am over excited and like always I HAVE to tell you, how in this absence I had so much to write on my blog but could not due to time constraints (read laziness).
So...finally to something extremely silly as it may seem, but what is it that has coaxed me enough to blog again? Well...stupid 10 day break which sounds only so boring that I could die....have lots of work...which still seems so less compared to the time I have. Anyway....blah blah blah... :P ..... So before I start off with my latest peaceful outing... I'de like to share some random silly thoughts that crossed my mind.
I am very serious about adding a label 'auto ride' to my blog because I travel for over one hour everyday in an auto and that is one time of the day when I find peace with myself....I think...observe...enjoy music...and relax...its 'my' time. Since I get so many random thoughts and interesting observations during that time, every time I write about that particular thought, I'll label it 'Auto Ride'...(Bela is so right....I am so random...I say and do anything...just out of the blue...huh...whatever) Apart from that...I am bored and I have forgotten all that I was about to blurt....oh yeaaah...wait wait....I am a happy person because I am concentrating on my work more than my grad...and I am loving each moment of it. And this brings me to my CHAI TIME!!
I had to write this article on chai wallahs and instead of first visiting the most famous SHARMA ki CHAI of the city, I visited Channilal ki Chai. God Damn!! Honestly, I am not a tea drinker as such (Kashmiri chai being an exception), but sometimes I like it. More than the tasty tea of Channilal (which, according to me is better than Sharma's) that I was served, it was the whole feeling of being there.
I mean...have you ever heard of a chauraha...a four way crossing, in one of the most posh areas of the city being named after a chai wallah? This was more because of his generosity than his tea speciality. Channilal Lodhi served tea and breakfast to government officals in 1972 during some strike which lasted for a good 62 days, for free. He had hundreds of officials coming every morning to his little tea stall, he ran into losses, but Channilal went on to form an unbreakable bond with his people. He still does, which has earned him a chauraha named after him. Though his tea stall has shifted from the CHANNILAL chauraha to a place more peaceful, just a few meters away.
Looking like a typical choti chai ki dukaan, with bun makkhan, samosas and bis-koot, sipping his tea sitting away from the hustle bustle of life, the traffic, away from life seems like the best thing to do after a stressful day. I have never enjoyed tea more than what I did yesterday. It was a peaceful moment. Everyone else feeling the same. I, being the only woman in that place, with a crowd that may not be what we would generally call 'educated and decent', and not even for a single moment did I have anyone staring at me, invade my privacy or make me feel uncomfortable.
Infact, when Channilal came to his shop, I was already sitting, sipping tea, reading and looking around, like time was all mine. His worker told him twice or thrice, 'yeh ayin hai aapse milne ke liye', but he just quietly sat, without coming into my notice and let me enjoy 'my' moment 'my' tea. Spending a few minutes talking to him made me realize how old shopkeepers, chai wallahs gain loyalty, its all because of their modesty, genuineness, love and dedication. How I wish we had some people like that still left in this world, or atleast come to my notice more often. The whole experience feels either like it was a dream or a trip to another planet. I may sound like I am exaggerating, but it was so different from my pre conceived notions of a chai stall. The peace, privacy, chai and relaxing 20 minutes spent there, were blissful. And when Channilal says the secret of his famous tea is just his love for people who come to his stall, and their love for him - you know it is, you know the secret ingredient is the love with which he makes his tea.
This also raises one more question in my mind, why is chai so important for people? Why are they so particular about 'their' tea? They seem to like just one kind of tea, slight difference in the taste of their tea, get ready to face that person's bad mood. Chai connect is funny, amuses me. But I think one more visit to that place and I'll join the 'amusing' league of people, sans the answer ofcourse. :-)
BACK with a BANG!!
on Tuesday, September 25, 2007Noh..... not me :P ... but Team India!! What a match it was.... not too long... exciting... great players... amazing form.... unpredictable... exactly how an India Pakistan Final is expected to be.
What if we played horribly during World Cup, we have made up for it in 20-20. India played a great match as a team and it also goes without commenting how Pakistan too gave us a tight match. Gul restricting our players and being tough on the 'Blues', disallowing them to reach their target. And those last sixes by Misbah-ul-Haq just changed the face of the match. We could have lost if it was not for Uttapa's catch. It could just be a repeat of the 1981 match...Chetan and Miandad...>>phew<< thrilling..isn't it? Simply crazy how the match went off...and then those screaming faces of the stars of the day flashing on your T.V. screen with the flag...the Chak De star (in his new look)...totally filmy...!!
Two new young teams...new captains...young players...and world cup, what could be more perfect than this? Some great matches through out the tournament, with the best coming, of course from Yuvraj Singh. His six sixes have not only earned him a crore, I am sure more advertisements too ;). And Dhoni in his true 'hero' style played the leader that probably the Indian cricket team was waiting for. Rising like a phoenix, the Indian Cricket Team has proved me and many others wrong who bashed them up just a few months back.
Exactly how I spat all the frustration of the Team's performance last time, I would like to apologize and hug the team (if I could) for the glory and pride that they bring to the country. :D They have played some smooth matches and have had calm wins under extreme pressure. A lot of its credit goes to Dhoni's captaincy, a true leader, whom I am absolutely in love with (again). Modesty, sincerety and hardwork being the best features of his face, it just shows...aaww...I am so proud and so in love with all our players!!
It is for the first time, I find it difficult to express my excitement, guilt and happiness for the team. Excitement...do I need to explain? Guilt...for under estimating them, losing faith in them...and happiness...well...this happiness is like , when you are so happy that all you do is sigh and smile. >>sigh<< :)!
I could not be happier to see the sports scene in India recently...be it the football tournament victory...hockey...or the religion of the country...cricket...we are all in form...in our true player spirits...we are simply here with a bang!! ;)
Can't resist being cliched here....
CHAK DE INDIA!!! ;)
Politician + Puppet = President Patil
on Friday, August 3, 2007
The honorary post of the President of the Nation for the first time goes to a woman. Something we all should be proud of, though it took 60 years for a woman to come so far. And in my opinion, undeservedly.
I speak for over 50% of the population when I say, 'Kalam should have been back and I do not like Patil.' The reason why it even makes a difference to the country all of a sudden, who the President of the country is because of Kalam. He raised the standards, made each citizen actually fall in love with him, inspired them and made them realise what a President should be doing. Until Kalam came, not only we did not bother, we also did not know what did we have Presidents for and were confused why The President of America is more important to us than our own President. Probably because, when Bush and Clinton were making big decisions and making America more powerful, our President was relaxing and sipping on his tea in the gardens of Rashtrapati Bhavan.
Rashtrapati Bhavan is not merely an Office of the President. From a common man's eye, it looks like a building of hope and honour. Standing on the crossroad, with Rashtrapati Bhavan on one side and India Gate on the other, I remember that being the most proud moment of my life. Both mean to me. I do not call myself a patriot, but I am definitely extremely proud of my country. But I am also sad, shocked to see President Patil. She does not appeal to me one bit.
How I am left speechless and helpless, when I see a POLITICIAN turn PRESIDENT. And not just that, but to have a President, who has been under the scanner of CBI for a murder case and more. She may not have been involved directly, but she was definitely involved in 'using' her 'political powers'. This, scares me. Will she do the same with her post as a President. Then I realise 'neah', she is a 'Puppet'. Sonia Gandhi, very politically changed Patil's life. (Seems like she is a master of bringing new old haggard forgotten unknown faces to the two top Posts of the Country.) How nicely, she announced Man Mohan Singh as the P.M. and now Patil as the President. Both, being her puppets. Not like I dislike Singh nor do I dislike Sonia Gandhi, but the sole point remaining - IS PRATIBHA WORTH IT?
I still remember that picture of Kalam on the front pages of all newspapers, when he sworn in as the President. There was confidence dripping, a sparkle in his eye and an aura of self dignity around him, that instantly made many of us feel - 'HE IS THE MAN!' And so he proved. Keeping all biases aside, the first day I saw Patil's picture in the papers and on news channels, when she was nominated. I could not even recognise her. Came across as some 'wannabe' politician who is being pushed up by her Party members. Not even today, now that she is THE PRESIDENT, do I feel that she has the same spark, that new energy that Kalam brought with himself. We are back to square one. A new President who shall be remembered by the next generation as ONLY the First Female President of the Country.
